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Posted by Alisa on February 07, 2003 at 22:19:05:
In Reply to: Re: PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER posted by Raymond on June 13, 2002 at 12:58:47:

> I have had an on and off love relationship with a girl who has a PPD and it's been (it was) hell.
> When you have a relationship with someone suffering from PPD you have two options: 1) leave them; 2) accept them and their problem, taking into account that PPD gets worse with age.
> The worst thing you can do is to feel guilty. It is their problem, not yours. They have been developing PPD over the years, and it's not your fault. It was probably their family and/or the social environment in which they grew up which started it.
> They will NEVER fully acknowledge their problem. One moment they will trust you but the other they will think you want to manipulate their feelings. They are cold and aloof.
> My girlfriend has now decided not to see me again. It happened like this. Her grandmother died a few months ago (for some reason my girlfriend seemed to trust her) and I attended the funeral with her. She was so distressed and shocked at her death that on the day of the burial my girlfriend admitted she loved me deeply. She recognised that she had despised many people who she thought might harm her. On that day, I was able to actually listen to her inner thoughts for the first time in our relationship.
> However, a few weeks later, when she was physically O.K again, she decided not to get in touch with me again. Why? Because she felt ashamed that she had disclosed her inner fears and feelings to me so openly. She thought from that moment on I would be able to blackmail her emotionally. The typical thought pattern for people with PPD is this: "I cannot accept my feelings of inferiority, distrust, jealousy, etc., so it is the rest of the world who have a problem, not me. So they should leave me alone. They just want to put a lot of pressure on me to make me feel guilty. When they say they love me, they are after something else (sex, humiliation, etc.)
> If you have decided that you accept your partner despite his/her PPD, you MUST NOT try to reason things out with them. Just say you love them, say kind things to them and try to do things for them. That's all.
>
> > I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW OF ANYONE OUT THERE MARRIED TO SOMEONE DIAGNOSED WITH PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER. THIS IS MY SECOND MARRIAGE AND I HAVE TWO CHILDREN WHO ARE BEING AFFECTED BY THIS. HE DOES HAVE AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM AS WELL. ANYONE PLEASE! I AM SLOWLY BECOMING DESPARATE TRYING TO LOVE THIS MAN WHOM I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

The only advice that I can give you is what he said before. I'm in a relationship with a guy who has Paranoid Personality Disorder. We are getting married. All I can say is that you probably truly love this man. Is it worth leaving him over? The only way you can get him to trust you is to make sure you don't ever "betray" him, as he would probably put it. The one thing he expects from you is loyalty. You don't want him to find out about you trying to cope with him. He'll probably take it horribly. You should let him know how devooted to him you are very often. This will help him open up to you. It's going to seem as if he'll finally change his mind and trust you but only to change his mind again. Just tell him you'll never betray his trust.

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> > I have had an on and off love relationship with a girl who has a PPD and it's been (it was) hell. > > When you have a relationship with someone suffering from PPD you have two options: 1) leave them; 2) accept them and their problem, taking into account that PPD gets worse with age. > > The worst thing you can do is to feel guilty. It is their problem, not yours. They have been developing PPD over the years, and it's not your fault. It was probably their family and/or the social environment in which they grew up which started it. > > They will NEVER fully acknowledge their problem. One moment they will trust you but the other they will think you want to manipulate their feelings. They are cold and aloof. > > My girlfriend has now decided not to see me again. It happened like this. Her grandmother died a few months ago (for some reason my girlfriend seemed to trust her) and I attended the funeral with her. She was so distressed and shocked at her death that on the day of the burial my girlfriend admitted she loved me deeply. She recognised that she had despised many people who she thought might harm her. On that day, I was able to actually listen to her inner thoughts for the first time in our relationship. > > However, a few weeks later, when she was physically O.K again, she decided not to get in touch with me again. Why? Because she felt ashamed that she had disclosed her inner fears and feelings to me so openly. She thought from that moment on I would be able to blackmail her emotionally. The typical thought pattern for people with PPD is this: "I cannot accept my feelings of inferiority, distrust, jealousy, etc., so it is the rest of the world who have a problem, not me. So they should leave me alone. They just want to put a lot of pressure on me to make me feel guilty. When they say they love me, they are after something else (sex, humiliation, etc.) > > If you have decided that you accept your partner despite his/her PPD, you MUST NOT try to reason things out with them. Just say you love them, say kind things to them and try to do things for them. That's all. > > > > > I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW OF ANYONE OUT THERE MARRIED TO SOMEONE DIAGNOSED WITH PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER. THIS IS MY SECOND MARRIAGE AND I HAVE TWO CHILDREN WHO ARE BEING AFFECTED BY THIS. HE DOES HAVE AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM AS WELL. ANYONE PLEASE! I AM SLOWLY BECOMING DESPARATE TRYING TO LOVE THIS MAN WHOM I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. > > The only advice that I can give you is what he said before. I'm in a relationship with a guy who has Paranoid Personality Disorder. We are getting married. All I can say is that you probably truly love this man. Is it worth leaving him over? The only way you can get him to trust you is to make sure you don't ever "betray" him, as he would probably put it. The one thing he expects from you is loyalty. You don't want him to find out about you trying to cope with him. He'll probably take it horribly. You should let him know how devooted to him you are very often. This will help him open up to you. It's going to seem as if he'll finally change his mind and trust you but only to change his mind again. Just tell him you'll never betray his trust.

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