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For the conjoint third birthday (17 April 2006) of my sons, Ethan Charles and Brandon Stuart: may they grow to love their language—indeed, the wonder of all languages—as much as their father does |
Navigation bar: Limerick | Prosodic analysis | Glossary | Genetics of Peter's blondness
Part 1. In and Out, and Up and Down
Just after the World War II raid
(knowing not of their nigh escapade),
four kids went to Wales,
riding on the rails,
to a grand manor house in the glade.
It belonged to Professor D. Kirke,
and all over Macready did lurk:
an ugly old hag,
over her face, a bag,
who drove her young charges berserk!
One rainy day, at words they played
before Peter, stale Latin arrayed.
He knew it as such,
but Ed's just too much:
he launched a sarcastic parade!
Hide-and-seek next on the chart,
toward four different spots they did start.
Susan hides in a box;
curtain Edmund's view blocks;
but Lucy, distracted, did dart
To a spare bedroom, with sheeted wonder:
'twas a wardrobe, through which she did blunder,
groping deep 'midst the coats
poked by branches, Lu notes:
so apart their massed fur she did sunder.
Walking out, to find snow all around
a lush forest, the sight did astound
little Lucy, the tot
(whom her siblings forgot)
in whose soul did such marvel abound!
Traipsing off through the woods, she did stop
'neath the light of a post, lamp atop,
at some noise in the brush
did she, quite startled, hush
to hear horse's hooves: clippety-clop!
Behold, not a horse, but a faun
staring at little Lu 'cross the lawn!
He invited her in
with a smile 'bove his chin,
yet, malicious, his plans were all drawn.
On his finely wrought Narnian flute,
some sweet lullabies he did toot,
lulling Lu off to sleep.
Waking up, he did weep,
prompting Lu to ask Tumnus, "Oh, shoot,
Why on earth do you weep, my faun friend?"
"Because Jadis my dear life will end!
I had promised the witch
a young human I'd hitch,
but I can't, since—by now—I'm your friend!"
He conducted her back through the trees
all the way to the lamp, if you please.
He cried himself silly,
then he saw her off, chilly,
"Now go!" with a frown and a sneeze.
"I'm back! It's all right!" Lu declared,
but her siblings were hardly prepared
to hear her odd tale
of a Narnian dale
and the faun whose tea party she chaired.
Nobody believed, not a bit
"The wood only," Sue said, in a snit,
"is the back of this chest
(your poor brain must be stressed!)
you silly, presumptuous git!"
That night, with her candle held near,
in the wardrobe did Lu disappear.
But Edmund had sneaked
up behind her, and peeked
"'Tis all rot 'bout this faun!" he did sneer.
Wand'ring off through the woods, he did note
(in his bathrobe—not even a coat!)
a majestic white sled
with reindeer ahead
and a queen with expression remote,
and a dwarf, with a whip and a 'tude
who ran off after Edmund (mean dude!).
He knocked Ed to the ground—
which poor Ed did astound—
then he re'lized that he was quite screwed.
He held a sharp blade to his neck,
prompting Ed to cry out, "What the heck!
Get off me! Let go!"
Then he heard through the snow
the queen ordering her dwarf in check.
"Join me now, Son of Adam, I pray,"
said the queen in her fine fur array.
"Would you like a hot drink?"
asked the queen with a wink.
"Yes, I would, Majesty, if you say."
She asked him to tell of his folk,
hoping that the four kids were a joke
(though she secretly feared
that her downfall aneared),
then with questions she did Edmund poke.
But Edmund just wasn't prepared
for her next trick, which his poor heart snared:
she served him a bite—
bewitched Turkish Delight—
then at him she icily glared.
"I just must meet your sisters and bro,
fetch them for me!" "But why?" "Well, you know,
I'll make you a king
if you'll do me this thing
and you haven't a long walk to go:
Past these woods, 'tween those hills, lies my castle:
to find it is hardly a hassle.
Fetch your siblings, dear boy,
using some clever ploy,
and you'll soon be my prince and my vassal!"
She drove off, leaving Ed quite befuddled
(his mind was all jumbled and muddled)
till he heard a faint cry
and, through his watchful eye,
spied his baby sis, Lu, whom he cuddled.
"Oh, Edmund! Dear Tumnus is fine!"
said li'l Lucy, whose bright eyes did shine.
"The White Witch doesn't know
he's my friend—not my foe—
on tea, cakes, and sardines we did dine!"
"The White Witch?" asked Edmund, perplexed,
then Lucy explained to him next,
"She calls herself queen
though she's hated—so mean"
then the realization Ed vexed
That this lady who played like his friend
meant to do him a vicious, cruel end:
but Edmund said naught,
so lost was he in thought,
"from Lu must I my secret defend!"
They went back and staid Peter awoke
who thought it was all just a joke.
"You've been dreaming!" said Sue,
"But I've not! 'Tis all true!"
Lu protested, her poor heart nigh broke!
But 'twas worse when sly Edmund, the rat,
interjected—quite meanly, at that—
"Lucy's full of hot air!
There was naught at all there,
just a silly old wardrobe!" "Oh, drat!"
Cried poor Lucy, in such a foul mood
that she bumped the professor (how rude!).
"You'll sleep soon in the stable!
Not a spoon, nor a table!"
quoth Macready, with furor imbued.
"It's nothing," Pete and Sue explained
to Digory Kirke, his mind strained
to determine what matter
about they did chatter
(but his confidence slowly gained).
He believed them—and I'll tell you why:
forty years since, he was the first guy
who Narnia saw
Aslan make without flaw
(a secret he'd keep till he die).
Part 2. All Aboard!
The whole matter—scarce settled—lay
till at cricket the kids did play.
Ed smacked solid the ball
through the window, the hall,
through the armor, which made Peter say,
"Well done, Ed!" you silly, naive
lad who did us in such trouble leave!
"What on Earth!" yelled Macready,
that vindictive old lady,
whom the children's antics did peeve.
Up and down halls, through doors, they did chase—
the housekeeper's wrath to outrace—
even to the spare room
(slamming doors with a boom),
hoping so their sealed fate to erase.
Into the old wardrobe they tumbled
while on Susan's feet Peter stumbled.
They emerged in the woods,
took fox-fur coats and hoods.
"Let's visit faun Tumnus!" Lu mumbled.
They now saw that Edmund had lied,
so Pete fixed his wagon, most snide:
he gave Ed rabbit-fur—
'twas a girl's (for a "her"!).
Such embarrassment: he could have died!
Off through the dense woods the four walked
as they gasped, and they joked, and they talked.
But when their trip was done,
what they found was no fun:
for the queen's wolves poor Tumnus had stalked.
On the column, words spelled out his fate
(at which Lucy did pout and berate):
the queen's enemy's friend
met a foul, dire end—
in her dungeon they gave him a spate.
In their ire they were sick—as with fever—
but to their rescue came a beaver!
"Let's get going," he spake,
"to my house by the lake!
Then, to help Tumnus out we'll endēavor."
His wife served them fried fish and chips
to satisfy hungry red lips.
Beaver drank of his ale,
then launched into a tale
that any young listener grips:
Of the prophecy he told each youth,
in which Aslan slays White Witch uncouth.
"You've been chosen, we trust,
to help," at which Sue fussed,
"We're from Finchley, not heroes!" 'Twas truth!
They rose to their feet to get going
through the Narnian woods (where 'twas snowing),
but brave Peter now learned
that they all had been burned:
Ed to Jadis's castle was going!
Through beaver's back door Ed had sneaked:
of yearning for treason he reeked!
They followed him quickly
up hills, snowed in thickly,
but their effort reward scant had eked:
For Edmund was trapped (all was lost!)
in the castle, whence Queen Jadis bossed
all Narnian life
(no joy left, only strife,
all will to oppose her exhaust).
Her courtyard décor he assayed:
stone creatures in stone war arrayed
tormented his mind
(for this teaser was kind—
although his stunts Lucy dismayed).
A stone lion—Aslan, he thought—
stood there, so about him he sought
for a black charcoal stick.
Ed, so sarcastic,
over its lip a quaint mustache wrought!
Stepping gingerly 'cross, a huge beast
(a stone wolf—a visual feast!)
to Edmund's dismay
did then jump him and say,
"I, Maugrim, can kill thee! Thou seest?"
"Who art thou?" he asked of the lad,
"Tell me now—or thy end will be sad!"
"The queen bade me hither!"
Ed explained in a dither:
"I'm of the sons that Adam had."
He led Ed upstairs to the hall
where Jadis, enthroned, received all.
He left him alone,
then Ed sat in the throne—
gadzooks! What incredible gall!
The queen soon sneaked up on the boy
who, lost in his I'm-a-prince joy,
didn't notice her coming,
her fingers a-thrumming
that Ed treated her throne like a toy.
She asked him some questions so weird
that of her real motives he feared.
Then she oped wide her trap
and at Ed did so snap
that his young heart with terror was seared.
He told of his siblings' location
and of the kind beavers' donation
of time, and advice,
and assistance—so nice
that to think of it caused him elation!
He asked for some candy—ill timed,
so that for Ginarrbrik she chimed.
Into Ed's back his dagger;
"Now, move!" with a swagger:
poor Ed! He had really been slimed!
So, off to the dungeon they marched—
no food, no drink: oh, he was parched!
and, far worse than teasing,
the boy was just freezing:
no coat—just a thin shirt, too starched.
The queen-summoned wolves then gave chase,
running off through the forest with grace.
To the dam-house they flew
where the three kids, they knew,
could rule Narnia—queen, king, and ace!
Thinking quickly, through doors that did pass
to a badger-built tunnel crevasse,
the brave party made haste
(there was no time to waste!):
both beavers, big boy, girl, and lass.
Finding badger dead (what hard knocks!)
the trio encountered a fox.
He hid them up a tree
and, much to his glee,
tricked the wolves off into the boondocks!
In the jail, meanwhile, Ed met the faun,
his features all haggard and drawn.
Tumnus knew who he was—
and this was because
his resemblance to Lucy did dawn.
The witch came to visit them both.
"You're family's missing!" she quoth.
"Where are they, my pet?"
"Nay, I know not, I'll let,"
and it wasn't a lie: it was soth!
"Then you're of no use to me, kid,"
she carped, and yet more facts she bid.
She reached for her wand
(of new statues she's fond),
for Ed of his life then to rid.
"But Aslan is here," spurted Ed,
hoping to put the matter to bed.
She asked where he hid,
but he spoke not, the kid,
which she chalked up to innocent dread.
"Take the faun upstairs," Jadis said,
to the guard with one eye in his head.
"The boy misses his folk—
and for more facts I'd poke—
therefore, please make ready my sled."
Part 3. Chase, Quest, and Reception
Now, back to our English kids three,
whom the beavers escorted with glee.
They stopped by a lake,
the whole vista to take;
the beaver said, "Stone arch. You see?
That's where the army is stationed,
commanded by Aslan, the patient—
the brilliant, the wise,
the sight for sore eyes,
whose millennial reign is now našcent!"
Marched out of his cell, past the throne,
poor Ed freaked at the faun turned to stone.
"When you're ready," witch spoke,
"Son of Adam, man-folk,
climb into my sleigh," with stern tone.
Across the wide prairie they trod
while the beaver, with wisecracks, did prod
the young humans to fly
to which Peter, quite wry,
said, "I'll sew me a hat from his bod!"
Then, behind them, they noticed a sleigh
racing after them, into the fray.
They zipped 'cross the field,
then the beaver revealed
an ice cave, where he hid them away.
The sleigh stopped, and a figure got out.
"Maybe they are gone?" Lu did doubt.
Peter said, "I'll go check,"
beaver quipped, "What the heck!
It is I who should survey about!"
What was hiding above the cave shelf?
Why, old Father Christmas himself!
He gave them fine gifts:
to their spirits, due lifts—
so much better than treasure and pelf!
To Lucy, some life-saving drink;
to Susan: well, what do you think?
a bow that can't fail,
of fine arrows, a hail,
and a horn (if her life's on the brink).
To Peter, aspiring young knight,
gave the fellow fine weapons of might:
shield, silver (lion, red);
a sharp sword, its gold head
sporting Aslan, exemplar of right.
Down to the river they segued,
staunch Peter obnoxious Sue egged,
"Let's cross where we may:
we haven't all day!"
and so concurred beaver, four-legged.
And though Aslan's summer returned
the river flowed—waters now churned—
they crossed where they could
(the ice seeméd still good)
but, slipping, Pete nearly got burned.
"I'll cross it first," beaver thought;
his wonderful plan Peter bought.
Poor Lu panicked now,
she rumpled her brow,
"Let's hurry it up! Don't get caught!"
But nearly across the cold flux,
now came Jadis's wolves. "Oh, no! Shucks!"
Surrounded, they were—
humans weak, wrapped in fur—
to feel safe they'd have paid many bucks!
Maugrim now challenged King Pete
but Lucy here rose to her feet.
"The river!" she cried,
"is bursting! The tide!
Let's run, or our deaths we shall meet!"
"Hold on to me now!" Peter gasped;
for his outstretchéd arms both girls clasped.
He held out his sword
and pointed it forward
while onto it Sue and Lu grasped.
Still, back by the waterfall's edge
sat the witch, and her dwarf, and her sledge,
and poor Edmund the Just
over whom the witch fussed
and did such foul curses up-dredge.
Till, presently, Maugrim did come
with the fox in his jaws, looking glum.
"This traitor," he bid,
"was helping each kid
to escape. What a demon! What scum!"
The witch thanked the fox for his visit,
"But now, you can help me!" "What is it?"
"To where are they running?"
"I'll say not: I'm too cunning."
"Then I'll turn you to stone. How exquisite!"
"No, don't!" pleaded Edmund, the kind.
'Round the fox he himself intertwined.
He told all he knew:
Aslan, his army zoo,
Centaurs, griffins, war plans designed.
Jadis thanked Ed for his helpful yack—
and then gave his right cheek a smack!
It brought him to tears
so she said, "Listen! Ears!
Tell me, for whose side do you pack?
Their side turned to stone soon will be!
Make not of yourself tragedy!
Join up with me, I pray:
don't just live for today!
Your wildest dreams you'll yet see."
Then she turned to her wolves to remark,
"Off with you! Growl, bite, and bark!
Gather up some more troop:
thus lame Aslan we'll whoop.
But hasten ye back! And, now, hark:
Aslan, it seems, wants a fight—
to give him such is my delight!
But, as I turn to stone
this frail butterfly lone,
Aslan's bright day I'll morph into night!"
Part 4. Aslan Comes, Aslan Goes
So, forward the children did march
through forests of beech, spruce, and larch
toward the camp of their hero,
King Aslan (no, not Nero!),
where they're safe from their enemy arch.
A centaur now blew on his horn,
announcing the children, all worn,
all tired, all beat
(could scarce stand on their feet!)—
but, clearly, of hope not forlorn.
The kids thought that they were in Dutch
seeing wild animals much,
red dwarves (but not black),
and carnivores—ack!
e'en gorillas and tigers and such.
They walked down the war camp's main road.
Fauns, centaurs, and satyrs it showed.
They stopped 'fore Oreius
(we hope he won't slay us!)
and then did King Peter explode:
"We're here to see Aslan, the lord.
Just 'cross the ice did we ford.
We pray, can we join?
We ask for no coin."
His heart out to Aslan Pete poured.
Pete got new boots and a tunic
(he looked fierce as a Nazi in Munich!).
The girls got new dresses—
though Pete's sword professes
some slogan in characters runic!
Next, Aslan took Pete up a hill,
Cair Paravel his eyes to fill.
He said, "There you'll reign—
mostly fun, but some pain—
but I sense that you're doubting me still."
Pete quoth, "I don't think that I am
able to pluck you from your jam
Narnia I can't rule
(I'm no ace, but no fool)."
Aslan said, "Such thoughts, from your head, scram!"
Cut now to a view of an oak,
'round which did the dwarf dance and joke.
Poor prince Edmund was bound,
gagged, he sat on the ground,
while Ginarrbrik menaced the bloke:
"Now, is our little prince happy?
You look not so strong, but quite sappy!
Where are your folk
to free you from this oak?
You'll die if they don't make it snappy!"
Now back to the girls, by the brook
(over which their wet towels they shook).
Next thing that did happen,
two wolves' jaws were snappin',
'cross the creek then did Sue and Lu book
To take down Sue's ivory horn
and blow a sad note (how forlorn!).
Pete heard the alarm;
taking sword in his arm,
he challenged the wolves—to their scorn:
"We've been through this before," Maugrim said;
"you're no hero: we'll leave you for dead!"
He leapt at his throat,
but Peter him smote,
thus slaying foul Maugrim instead.
Brave Peter now Aslan did knight,
in awe of his honor and might.
Both Susan and Lu
felt thrilled—wouldn't you?
Our very own brother! All right!
Aslan all the action had seen:
he'd pinned down the other wolf clean.
He let him run off,
then did at his troops scoff,
"Pursue him! Find Ed and the queen!"
Hooves, wings, and paws did then fly—
to the White Witch's camp, by the by—
there they rescued poor Ed,
while Ginnarbrik instead
they tied to the tree. Oh, how sly!
Ed was soon back, safe and sound
and with Aslan did walk 'long the ground.
The king spoke most grave
of the acts of that knave
yet with lion-love did Ed surround.
Next morning, the kids all agreed
that Narnia was sore in need
of their help and their heart:
no, they never would part
till the land was quite safe—then, Godspeed!
Peter and Ed played at sword—
en garde, thrust, and parry they scored.
But soon beaver ran near
and, speaking in their ear,
his dire newsflash he outpoured.
"The witch, with Aslan she would meet;
you, too, should be there her to greet.
I know not what she asks—
or brings Aslan what tasks—
but I'm sure it's news dreadful, not sweet."
The witch came, all gilded and beryled.
In her presence, the kids felt imperiled
She was borne by some creatures
with horrible features
while her dwarf all her titles did herald:
"Jadis, of Narnia, queen;
the Lone Islands, and all lands between.
She rules heaven and earth
(all in sadness, not mirth)
under blue skies and over grass green."
She demanded Edmund's young blood
lest Narnia perish in flood,
and fire, and smoke.
Then Aslan did she stroke:
"Do you dare to deny me? You dud!"
To Aslan's tent witch and cat strode,
then into the humble abode.
There they worked out a deal
that would make your head reel—
but Aslan with bunk the kids snowed.
Night came after bright daytime went
but shadows walked past the girls' tent,
so they geared up with bottle
and bow at full throttle
through the woods following the cat's scent.
But Aslan's no fool, now, you see:
he smelled the kids, hid 'neath a tree.
"Can't we go with you, dear?
These dark woods you must fear!"
And with them did Aslan agree.
When they got near the Stone Table—well—
Aslan here let out a yell.
"You must leave me now."
"But we can not, we trow!"
though, consenting, they stayed in the dell.
At a distance, they followed the cat,
all the way to the Table; at that,
Aslan climbed up the steps
where stood all the queen's reps;
then he paused—but, before he had sat,
Otmin smacked his side with a pike
knocking him off his four paws—oh, yike!
They bound him with thongs,
cut his mane; then the throngs
celebrated. Oh, this they did like!
"Bring him near to me!" shrieked the witch.
three ropes 'cross their shoulders did hitch
four Cyclops, and more—
ugly creatures of gore—
then the queen gave the lion her pitch:
"Did you think, Aslan, fool, that you might
save the traitor by antics this night?
I'll kill him after you
and there's naught you can do!
So much, then, for love and delight!"
Then the witch did her minions fulfill
with a speech that your good heart would chill.
She said, "Narnia's ours—
despite Aslan's powers—
as him with my stone knife I kill!"
The obsidian knife did she heft.
Soon, Aslan of life was bereft.
She cheered in her glee
of a brief war, you see,
but both girls' hopes and dreams were now cleft.
Part 5. The Battle
The girls scarce believéd their eyes
but before them, behold, Aslan lies.
His rope bonds they bent
(with assistance rodent)
and then cried, full of wherefores and whys.
"We'll have to tell Peter and Ed,"
said Sue, but Lu wanted instead
to stay with the lion
and finish her cryin'.
"The trees will inform them in bed!"
So, swirling leaves to the tent came
where slept Ed and Peter in fame.
"Mighty Aslan is dead,"
the green wood nymph said,
"and Jadis the witch is to blame."
The sun rose next morning at dawn
revealing Pete's face, sad and drawn.
"You must lead us," said Ed.
"But I can't: that I dread!"
"But, you know—such loy'lty you spawn!"
Oreius, the centaur—no liar—
said, "What are your orders, now, Sire?"
Reluctant or not,
Pete knew what he'd got:
a kingdom—for which men aspire!
So, off to the Fords of Beruna
(beneath the warm Sun, not cold Luna).
Noble troops they did mass
on this side of the grass;
knew the foe had the heart of a tuna!
The reconnaissance griffin flew free,
the enemy's posture to see.
He circled them thrice
and returned in a trice,
beholding his brave company.
The griffin said to King Pete's face,
"The witch is upon us, Your Grace!
In great numbers they mass
with keen weapons of brass:
they'll slay us ere we march one pace!"
"Majesty, I'm on your side,"
said Oreius, who needed no ride:
for he was half-horse
(which he couldn't divorce);
did Pete by his counsel abide.
The witch came, in war crown of gold,
driving a chariot bold
drawn by two polar bears.
She wore the mane hairs
of great Aslan, his body scarce cold.
And then, with a thunderoush crash,
both parties of soldiers did clash.
With axes and spears,
'midst sorrows and fears,
they staged such a violent bash!
Now, back to Aslan and each girl
(while the warriors weapons did hurl):
they arose from their seat,
quickly got to their feet,
but all 'round did the earth shake and swirl.
The Table had cracked, now, you see,
over death showing faith's victory.
Aslan was restored—
fully maned—and he roared,
"Now, off we must go! Girls, mount me!"
He raced through the woods like the wind
although both the girls' heads yet spinned.
He made off for the castle,
for, 'gainst Jadis to rassle,
he needed troops—pawed, winged, or finned!
Return we once more to the fray
so violent! What can I say?
Both centaur and satyr
all d'rections did scatter
and at swords and armor did play.
Now, Edmund—who served as a colonel—
here launched a rare phoenix eternal!
It turned into fire,
the troops to inspire:
no kidding! That's one for your journal!
But Jadis, the witch, was too strong:
she broke through the flames ere too long.
With her turn-to-stone wand,
she sent warriors beyond
(to do such to the noble was wrong).
Oreius betook him a rhino;
when Peter complained, he said, "I know:
But I must kill the witch,
get us out of our ditch,"
and rode off with the craze of a wino!
Yet, Jadis, a competent dame,
was quite a fine swordsman—not lame.
Oreius alone
she converted to stone.
The loss truly hampered Pete's game!
But now Aslan arrived at the tower
asking both girls for more troops to scour.
When Tumnus he found
and restored, pound for pound,
the girls felt such zeal and such power!
But far more than one faun was needed
so he called 'round him creatures, who heeded
his call to help Peter—
the witch, to defeat her:
they obeyed, attended, acceded.
Now, Ed saw the witch, who was rolling,
her petrification spell doling.
He ran with his sword,
the hazard ignored,
but here his death-knell was nigh tolling:
For, just as he shattered her spear,
she stabbed Edmund's belly—right here.
He fell to the ground,
his brain in a swound,
which made the witch cackle and jeer.
Peter saw this and went nuts,
so over to Jadis he struts,
his sword and his shield
did he expertly wield,
but poor Pete, than brains, had more guts.
She cut Peter's eyelash above,
tripped him to the ground with a shove.
But, sheesh! just befo'
her final death-blow,
at her flew Aslan like a dove.
Instinctive, did Aslan devote
his life to save Peter, well-smote.
He jumped at the hag—
her neck did he snag—
and, then, Aslan tore out her throat.
"Dear Peter!" did Sue and Lu yell
when they found their brother, all well.
"Where's Ed?" they did ask
and they then went to task
to find Ed 'midst that militant hell.
Ginarrbrik now raised his axe
to kill Ed (he'd make no more tracks!).
Susan here shot him dead,
to which great Aslan said,
"Dear, far nobler than Bellum is Pax."
Part 6. The Coronation and After
The battle was done, all could see:
ghosts flourished like a fantasy.
Of Narnia they sang
its renaissance birth-pang
and shouted their war-cries with glee.
Brave Lucy ran off with her potion
to show the staunch troops her devotion
(she saved Ed's life first:
a mere drop slaked his thirst).
Then, they sailed 'midst mermaids 'cross the ocean.
Cair Paravel was all dressed up—
bright flag, diamond plate, silver cup,
and four crowns of gold
for twain warriors bold
and twain lady, no longer a pup.
Aslan now crownéd the four
as centaurs stood guard by the door:
Queen Lucy the Brave;
Ed the Just won't behave.
But, wait: we must crown yet two more.
Queen Susan, the radiant, the bright;
magnificent Peter, of might.
His golden crown glimmered;
its sparkling jewels shimmered—
'twould even a sultan delight!
Yet Aslan slinked off, 'long the beach
till his shadow was nigh out of reach.
Said Lucy to Tumnus
(now a college alumnus),
"When will he return, us to teach?"
The faun said, "One never knows when
the Great Lion returns to his pen.
But press him? No, don't:
he'll be back when he's wont—
and, if not now, certainly then."
Time passed, and quite rich was their reign,
fought giants, they did, ne'er in vain.
They brought right to the land,
ruling with velvet hand,
and ne'er subjects' money did drain.
Then, one day, while off in the trees,
they smelled the white stag in the breeze
(the one that, if caught—
if you just give some thought—
will grant you what wishes you please).
So, after their quarry they rushed
their voices low—yes, even hushed.
But, their horses' hoof noise,
any chance it destroys:
so they caught no white stag (how they blushed!).
Just then, the magnificent Pete
dismounted his horse, to his feet
to stare at a post
that struck him as the most
impossible object to meet.
For, you see, this post had at its top
a bright lamp—the sight made his heart stop.
Then Lu said with some gloom,
"It reminds me: Spare Oom,"
so the four then their mission let drop.
They ran off through the woods, feeling hot
that they headed for some secret spot.
But the branches and leaves
turned to coats, hoods, and sleeves—
leading all to ask, "What's this we've got?"
Then they tumbled—through a wardrobe door
falling, "Smack!" to a hard wooden floor.
The professor was there—
grizzled beard and white hair.
He asked why they were hiding, and more.
"Gee, you wouldn't believe us, kind sir,"
Peter said, dizzy thoughts all a-blur.
They related their trek,
sounding like lies (a peck!).
Did he b'lieve them? Would you, now? Why, sure!
Late that night, Lucy tried, once again,
to walk into that Western Wood glen.
To her, Kirke mumbled, "Stay!
You won't get there that way."
"How, then? Soon? I have such a strong yen!"
He answered, with fine voice gradations,
"Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations.
(Matthew 28:19)
'Tis the spirit of Christ:
it can never be iced.
Love Aslan, who saves all from damnations."
PROSODIC ANALYSIS
This "extended limerick" consists of a series of stanzas, each of which constitutes a stand-alone limerick of rhyme structure a-a-b-b-a and metrical structure anapestic 3-3-2-2-3 with an occasional degenerate anapest. Since pedal degeneracy obfuscates the discernment of theses from arses, all thetic vowels in the poem have been rendered in bold green font. In addition to the classical phonological conventions of ' (for syllabic suppression) and é (for sounding an otherwise silent e), I borrowed diacritical conventions from here and there, e.g., ē as in non-IPA spelling dictionaries, and š as in Croatian and Czech. (Where diacritical embellishment is lacking, the rhyme is quite faithful. Defensible exception can be taken to this assertion only where I "rhymed" sword with forward—a basilectic match if arguably an acrolectic gaffe.) I also played freely with word order to preserve the rhyme scheme. Inasmuch as this could wreak havoc with the semantics of an analytic (viz., non-synthetic) language such as English, I used excessive prepositions (which govern grammatical case) and pronouns (which inflect with more syntactic variety than nouns) to steer clear of this handicap.
GLOSSARY OF PROSODIC TERMINOLOGY
AND TEXTUAL ARCHAISMS
| acrolect | The speech of the educated classes, characterized by proper grammar, standard pronunciation, and very infrequent misuse of words or confusion with similar words (cf. basilect). |
| analytic language | A language, such as English, that relies heavily upon word order rather than intricate declensional patterns to indicate grammatical case. For example, the difference in meaning between the two sentences, "The dog bit the boy" and "the boy bit the dog," is conveyed purely via word order. (Cf. synthetic language.) |
| anapest | A poetic foot consisting of three syllables, the last of which is stressed. |
| anthropomorphism | Personification of a concept or principle; treating a concept or principle as if it were an independent, living entity (e.g., Jealousy is a green-eyed monster). |
| arsis | An unstressed syllable of a foot (cf. thesis). |
| baith | Scottish dialect for both. |
| basilect | The speech of the lower classes, characterized by lax grammar, lazy pronunciation, and frequent malapropisms (q.v.; cf. acrolect). |
| bellum | Latin for war: capitalized to reflect anthropomorphism (q.v.). |
| bimeter | A rhythmic pattern in which each line of a poem contains two feet (q.v.). |
| blend | Two or more consonants, written as a group, in which each retains its own individual sound (e.g., English fl or spr); cf. diphthong. |
| case | The role that a noun (or an adjective that modifies it) serves within a sentence. English does not modify words to reflect their cases (e.g., "of the pen," "to the pen," "by means of the pen"), but many languages exhibit ornate patterns of declensions (q.v.) to demonstrate case. |
| conjugate | To modify a verb to indicate its person. For example, in Spanish, "love" is translated "amo" in the clause "I love" but "aman" in the clause "they love." |
| declension | A system or pattern of inflections of a given word or word "form" (e.g., French verbs ending in -ir, German nouns ending in -en). |
| degenerate | A foot that is missing one (or, rarely, more than one) syllable but does not markedly disrupt the rhythmic quality of the poem. |
| diacritic | Decorations (e.g., accent marks, umlauts, tildes, cedillas) applied to a letter to modify its sound, typically employed with an alphabet that is not flexible enough to represent the entire range of sounds of a language that it is used to write. English employs diphthongs (q.v.) instead of diacritical marks. |
| diphthong | Two letters, written as a group, used in some languages to represent a single sound (e.g., English ch, ow; Dutch ui [no English equivalent]); cf. blend. |
| e'en | Archaic English for even. |
| ere | Archaic English for before. |
| foot | The basic unit of composition of a poem. Classical poetic forms generally rely upon feet having either two or three syllables. Each line is usually composed of a fixed number of feet. |
| inflect | To modify a noun or adjective to indicate its grammatical case (q.v.) or number. |
| IPA | The International Phonetic Alphabet, a notation used by linguists to represent a tremendous variety of sounds, far wider than even the most complicated alphabets (e.g., Thai, which has forty-eight letters) can typically capture. |
| limerick | A poem in which each stanza consists of five lines, the first, second, and fifth of which are of anapestic (q.v.) trimeter (q.v.) and all rhyme, and the third and fourth of which are of anapestic bimeter (q.v.) and rhyme. |
| malapropism | Misuse of a word resulting from its similarity to another word in sound or written appearance, e.g., affective for effective or apothem for apothegm. |
| maut | Archaic English for must. |
| metrical structure | The structure of a poem in terms of number (e.g., bimeter or trimeter, q.v.) and style (e.g., anapestic, q.v.) of feet in each line. |
| novella | A short novel: there is no static definition, but a novel of the order of one hundred pages may safely be termed a novella. |
| pax | Latin for peace: capitalized to reflect anthropomorphism (q.v.). |
| pedal | Pertaining to a foot (q.v.). |
| phonological | Pertaining to phonology, the study of sound, its role in language, and its written representation. |
| prosodic | Pertaining to the analysis of poetic form, i.e., meter and rhyme. |
| rhyme structure | The pattern of rhyming within a poem. For example, the rhyme structure "a-b-c-c-a" means that each stanza (q.v.) contains five lines, the first and fifth of which (both marked "a") rhyme, the third and fourth of which (both marked "c") rhyme, and the second of which (marked "b") does not rhyme with any other line. |
| stanza | The smallest number of lines within a poem that can be characterized by a precise rhyme structure (q.v.). Typically, a poem is typeset with blank lines between consecutive stanzas. |
| synthetic language | A language, such as Turkish, that relies heavily upon intricate declensional patterns rather than word order to indicate grammatical case. For example, the sentence, "Adamı bazarıya oğlunun gitti"—"The man went to the store for the boy"—means the same thing regardless of the order in which the words are scrambled, whereas scrambling the English translation would radically alter the meaning. The nonsense sentence, "The boy went to the man for the store," could be expressed in Turkish without reordering the words by changing their inflections thus: "Adamıya bazarının oğlu gitti." (Cf. analytic language.) | thesis | A stressed syllable of a foot (cf. arsis). | thetic | Pertaining to a thesis. |
| thine | Belonging to thou (q.v.): used in place of thy (q.v.) when the following word begins with a vowel or h (English used to do this with a variety of possessives, including yourn and the peculiar-looking hisn). |
| thou | Archaic English: familiar form of you. |
| thy | Belonging to thou (q.v.). |
| trimeter | A rhythmic pattern in which each line of a poem contains three feet (q.v.). |
| triphthong | Three letters, written as a group, used in some languages to represent a single sound (e.g., German sch [sounded like English sh], Dutch ooi [sounded like English oy]); cf. blend. |
| twain | Archaic English for two. |
GENETIC ANALYSIS OF PETER'S BLOND HAIR AND BLUE EYES
I have frequently heard the accusation leveled that
Peter's physical appearance was incongruous with that of his siblings, that, a fortiori,
it would be impossible for him to be blond and blue-eyed when all three siblings—as well
as both parents—were brunet. Let us see whether this accusation
can withstand scientific scrutiny.
Since (a) brown hair is dominant over blond hair, (b) brown eyes are
dominant over blue eyes, and (c) the alleles for hair color and eye color are
linked—meaning that brown hair and brown eyes occur together, while blond hair and
blue eyes likewise occur together—let us operate under the assumption that both parents,
though phenotypically brunet, were genotypically mixed. Adopting the Mendelian convention
whereby an upper-case letter expresses a dominant gene and its lower-case analogue represents
the corresponding recessive gene, we form the following Punnett square (in which light blue
indicates Mr Pevensie's genes and light pink depicts Mrs Pevensie's genes) by which to
calculate the hair color of the elder Pevensies' offspring: Completing the table: we derive the following generational genotypy:
X B b
B ?
?
b ?
?
X B b
B BB
Bb
b Bb
bb
BB
Bb
Bb
bb
which, coalesced so:
25% BB
50% Bb
25% bb
demonstrates that twenty-five percent of the offspring are brunet with pure genotypy, fifty percent are brunet with mixed genotypy, and twenty-five percent are blond.
Since, as we stated supra, the alleles for blue eyes and blond hair are linked just as those for brown eyes and brown hair are, we generalize the foregoing 25%-50%-25% genotypic taxonomy and then collapse it to yield a phenotypic taxonomy, viz.:
75% brunet and brown-eyed
25% blond and blue-eyed
meaning that it is expected that one-fourth of the Pevensies' children will be born with blond hair and blue eyes! Insofar as Peter represents precisely one-fourth of the set of children, one could hardly ask for a more precise correspondence between mathematical prediction and zoologic reality, i.e., one blond, blue-eyed child out of every four!
